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Mr. Pritchard 



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YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 



A COMEDY IN TWO SCENES. 



BY 



ESTHER B. TIFFANY. 

M 






BOSTON 



&aj^/j^jLr-&^ 




Copyright, 1SS6, by F. E. Chase. 



Electrotyi'ed by C. J. Peters and Son, Boston 



DRAMATIS PERSONS. 



Miss Betty ) 

>- Maiden ladies. 

Miss Hetty ) 

Edith ..,...., Their niece. 

Henry Pritchard. 



Costumes modem and appropriate. 

The division into scenes may be disregarded if desired. 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 



Scene I. —An old-fashioned sitting-room. Miss H. and 
Miss B. discovered before glass cupboard, containing china 
and glass. Miss B. with hand on key. 

Miss B. But, my dear, we have always left the key in the 
lock before, and I am sure young Mr. Pritchard's feel- 
ings- 
Miss H. My dear, young Mr. Pritchard's feelings could 
be very easily mended, whereas one of great-grandmother 
Gorham's teacups — 

Miss B. But I am sure that young Mr. Pritchard would 
never make so bold as to drink out of one of great-grand- 
mother Go — 

Miss H. Then, if young Mr. Pritchard does not drink out 
of great-grandmother Gorham's teacups, why should we leave 
the key in the keyhole ? 

Miss B. It looks so suspicious to take it away. 

Miss H. It looks so careless to leave it in. 

Miss B. Young Mr. Pritchard is a gentleman. 

Miss H. Young Mr. Pritchard is a man. 

Miss B. My dear, you are growing excited. 

Miss H. My dear, you are growing warm. 

Miss B. But, my dear, we have discussed this very point 
for the last ten years — 

Miss H. Nine years — 

Miss B. Ten years. Ever since we began to let the 
house in the summer. Let the house ! Our honored father 
could not rest in his grave, if he knew that the old home- 
stead — {Takes out handkerchief.) 

Miss H. The old Gorham homestead — (Takes out hand- 
kerchiefs 

Miss B. Built in the year 1702 — 

Miss H. By Peter Gorham, of Salem, England — 

Miss B. And descending, along with the teacups, in un- 
interrupted — 



O YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 

Miss H. (embracing sister). Poor Betty! 

Miss B. Poor Hetty! (They weep.) 
(Enter Edith.) 

Edith. Well, aunties, they are carrying down the trunks. 
The train starts in an hour. Are you most ready? 

Miss H. {putting up handkerchief). Yes, except for put- 
ting away the key of the cupboard. 

Miss B. But, my dear Hetty, the key is always left in the 
lock. Young Mr. Pritchard is a single man —there are com- 
mon cups enough in the china-closet. Did not I go to 
school with young Mr. Prit chard's mother ? And didn't his 
great-grandmother Wren marry our great-grandmother Bow- 
doin ? If any man could be trusted with great-grandmother 
Gorham's teacups, young Mr. Pritchard's the man. 

Miss H. My dear, I am the oldest. 

Miss B. My dear, I am the most practical. 

Miss H. My dear, I have great-grandmother Gorham's 
baptismal name. 

Miss B. My dear, I have great-grandmother Gorham's 
nose. 

Miss H. It's my place. 

Miss B. It's my right. 

Edith. Oh, Aunt Hetty — Aunt Betty — 

Miss H. You don't give me a chance to speak. 

Miss B. You cut short the words in my mouth. 

Miss B ' [ ^ y ou on ty wou ^ listen. 

Miss H. I see — there is nothing left for it but — 

Miss B. The only satisfactory way — 

Miss H. If I put down my arguments on paper — 

Miss B, If I present you my side in writing — 

(Both seat themselves at table with pen and paper.) 

Edith. I know we shall miss that train. However, I 
don't care. In fact, I can't help hoping we may, and to- 
morrow's, too. If only we could get a sight of that Mr. Prit- 
chard. How ridiculous it is that, for the last ten years — 
ever since I was so high — he has been hiring our house in 
the summer, and yet we have never met. I wish my aunts 
weren't ashamed about renting the house. Just because they 
knew his mother, they feel too proud to have anything to do 
with him. 

Miss H. (writing). As for young Mr. Pritchard's antece- 
dents — 

Miss B. (writing). As for the likelihood of young Mr 
Pritchard — 

Edith. Aunt Betty, you have been calling Mr. Pritchard, 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 7 

young Mr. Pritchard, ever since I can remember. He must 
be an octogenarian by this time. 

Miss B. My dear, young Mr. Pritchard is a very promis- 
ing young man, 

Edith. How young? 

Miss H. One and forty. 

Miss B. My dear, young Mr. Pritchard iz three and forty, 
if he's a day. 

Miss H. My dear Betty, young Mr. Pritchard is the exact 
age of — 

Miss B. Fanny Johnson's daughter, who was born — 

Miss H. In the year Uncle Joseph sailed for China, which 
makes them both — 

Miss H. ) One and forty! 

Miss B. ) Three and forty! (Both jump tip.) 

Miss H. But my dear Betty ! 

Miss B. But my dear Hetty ! 

Miss H. I am quite certain of my facts, because — 

Miss B. I know I am right, because — 

Miss H. If you would but let me speak — 

Miss B. If you would but listen — 

Edith. Oh, gracious, aunties! when a man gets that old, 
what does it matter anyway ? 

Miss H. > One and forty ! 

Miss B. \ Three and forty ! 

Miss H. I see there is nothing for it but — 

Miss B. The only satisfactory way — 

Miss H. If I should put down my arguments in black and 
white — 

Miss B. If I present my side in writing — (Both seat 
themselves at table.) 

Edith (comes front, takes out photograph). When shall 
I find out about him ? Here it is three years that we have 
been exchanging books and things, and never a glimpse have 
we had of each other. I wonder what relation he is to that 
old Mr. Pritchard, that he comes here every year with him ? 
(Goes to drawer of cabinet?) It was merely by accident that 
first time that I left anything here — my gloves, I remember, 
almost brand new — and when we came back in the fall, and I 
went to find them, they were gone, but there was a box of 
chocolate creams instead. Then, next year, just for fun, I 
left a ribbon, and he left Tennyson's poems, marked. Then, 
the next time, I left my photograph, and found this. Good- 
ness ! if Aunt Hetty or Aunt Betty knew! Let me see, 
what can I leave this time ? What color are his eyes, I won- 
der? I wonder if he would like to know what color mine 



8 YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 

are, or my hair? My hair! That's an idea! I'll — Aunt 
Betty, are your scissors in your bag ? 

Miss B. Don't disturb me, my child. 

Edith. Oh, here they are. {Cuts off lock of hair, and 
puts it in drawer of cabinet. Exit.) 

Miss B. There, sister. 

Miss H. There, sister. {Hand letters?) 

Miss B. Why, sister, how hot you look, and tired. 

Miss H. My dear Betty, you look quite flushed and ex- 
hausted. 

Miss B. Let me get you a fan. 

Miss H. Let me run and fetch you a glass of wine. 

Miss B. Why, my dear, you talk as if things were as they 
used to be in the days when we had a cellar full of wine. 
{Takes handkerchief) 

Miss H. And a stable full of horses. {Handkerchief.) 

Miss B. And a kitchen full of servants. 

Miss H. Poor Betty ! ) (embradn ^ 

Miss B. Poor Hetty ! \ V mDracln g-) 

Miss H. Perhaps it would refresh and comfort you to 
read my letter. 

Miss B. And you to read mine. {Retire to different 
sides.) 

Miss H. {reading). Gorhamville, June 10, 18 — . My be- 
loved sister : Appreciating to the utmost the sound judg- 
ment, delicate discrimination, and inherent amiability of your 
nature, I yet feel constrained to confess — 

Miss B. {reading). My dearly beloved sister : Conscious 
in the innermost depths of my soul of the nobility of your 
sentiments, the brilliancy of your parts, and the soundness of 
your understanding, truth necessitates me to write — 

Miss H. {reading). Feeling convinced that your piercing 
eye has only to be pointed one instant on the truth of my ar- 
guments to — 

Miss B. {reading). Throwing myself upon the clearness 
of your discrimination, I — 

{Enter Edith.) 

Edith. The carriage, aunties. 

Miss H. {reading). The name of the Gorham family — 

Miss B. {reading). Descendant of the Pritchard's — 

Edith. Aunt Betty, the carriage ! The carriage, Aunt 
Hetty ! 

Miss H. Mercy on us ! 

Miss B. Hurry, sister, hurry! {Throw on shawls, and 
exeunt.) 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 



Scene II. — Same as Scene I. Enter Henry Pritchard, 
carrying -valise, fishing-pole, and gun. Butterfly pinned 
on his hat. Throws down things. 

Pritchard. Foiled again ! Told them I was coming to- 
morrow, in hopes of catching them to-day ; but it's no good, 
the servant tells me they are off. When shall I ever see the 
pretty original of my photograph ? Let's see what the little 
cabinet has this year. {Goes to cabinet and opens drawer.) 
Nothing! Not even a glove or a ribbon ! What an old fool 
I've been, anyway ! Well, at least, I've got a good cigar. 
{Lights cigar, and takes off hat.) And an extremely rare 
specimen of a cecropia. Found him on a rose-bush in front 
of the house. Fine neighborhood, this! The best place for 
cecropias I know. {Pins btitterfly on curtain.) And as for 
this {takes out handkerchief frotn crown of hat), let's 
see, where shall I put him ? {Goes to cupboard?) H'm — 
yes — this glass decanter ; just the thing. {Puts snake in 
decanter, and stands it on side-table. Sits down?) So the 
little girl thought she wouldn't leave me anything this year. 
{Glances over the table.) If those old ladies would only re- 
member to leave me an ash-receiver. {Rises, goes to cup- 
board, and takes out teacup.) This will do. {Complacently.) 
Though it is I who say it, you won't find many smokers so 
careful about spilling ashes as I am. How pleased the dear 
old ladies would be if they could look in upon me. {Sets cup 
on centre-table.) By the way, though, I think I'll have 
another look in that drawer. {Goes to cabinet.) Aha! 
Tucked cosily into the farthest corner, a lock of hair, yellow 
hair, and tied with a blue ribbon. So she didn't forget me, 
after all. I hope she doesn't expect the same of me, though, 
as I really couldn't spare any considerable amount. A tress 
of my moustache, that might do. Well, there's time enough 
to decide on that. Now for an interview with the cook about 
dinner. {Exit.) 

{Enter Miss H. and Miss B. out of breath.) 

Miss B. The first time in ten years that we have missed 
the train. 

Miss H. Which I think ought to prove to you quite con- 
clusively, Hetty, that your habit of arguing — 

Miss B. My dear sister, I never said a word ; I merely — 

Miss H. {falling over fishing-pole). Gracious me ! 

Miss B. {bumping against gun). Bless us, and preserve 
us ! 



IO YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 

Miss H. ) t, , , 
,,,„ T . V Burglars ! 
Miss B. > & 

Miss H. A dusty valise on our best parlor chair! 

Miss B. A dusty umbrella leaning up against our best 
parlor wall-paper ! 

Miss H. (darting to curtain). An awful wriggling thing 
pinned up on our best parlor curtain ! 

Miss B. {darting to side-table). A horrible wriggling ser- 
pent in our best cut-glass decanter ! (Both rushing to centre- 
table.) 

Miss H. A heap of dirty ashes — 

Miss B. In great-grandmother Gorham's teacup — 
(Sink down in chairs?) 

(Enter Edith.) 

Edith. Oh, Aunt Hetty ! oh, Aunt Betty ! what do you 
think ? 

Miss H. and Miss B. We knew it — burglars ! 

Edith. Burglars? No — Mr. Pritchard! 

Miss H. and Miss B. Then he will protect us. Where 
is he ? 

Edith. Eating plums down in the orchard. Bridget says 
these are his things. 

Miss H. His things! 

Miss B. His things! 

Miss H. His things ! Do you think young Mr. Pritchard, 
whose mother went to school with us at the Bridgewater 
Academy, would put a dusty valise on our best parlor chair ? 

Miss B. And a horrible wriggling creature on our best 
parlor curtain ? 

Miss H. And a terrible green serpent in our best cut- 
glass decanter ? 

Both. And cigar-ashes in great-grandmother Gorham's 
best teacup? 

Edith (who has been examining cabinet). Why, the 
other one must be here, too. The hair's gone. 

Miss B. My dear child, do come away from that horrid 
green reptile. 

Miss H. My dear Edith, don't go near that gun. As for 
these being young Mr. Pritchard's things, it's utterly out of 
the question. 

Edith. But, aunty, who ever heard of burglars going round 
with guns, and fishing-poles, and umbrellas, and butterflies, 
and snakes? 

Miss B. My dear, you never can tell what burglars won't 
do. And it appears to me very much more likely for a bur- 
glar with the evil propensities of his class to go about with 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. II 

guns, and fishing-poles, and serpents, than for a gentleman 
like young Mr. Pritchard — 

Edith. Well, the simplest way of settling the question is 
by looking at the name on the bag. Stars ! How dusty it 
is ! 

Miss H. Merely a ruse of the burglar to hide his name 
and escape recognition. 

Miss B. I don't believe there is any name on it. I do 
not believe the burglar would dare. 

Edith. Well, it's a nice looking bag, worked on canvas, 
too, on one side. 

Miss H. By the burglar's wife, I don't doubt. 

Edith {taking out handkerchief). I'm going to dust it 
off. 

Miss H. {jiimping tip). Wait! {Takes newspaper from 
her bag, and spreads it on floor. Sets valise on it. Takes 
feather-duster from wall and dusts it.) 

Edith {reading). Henry — 

Miss B. {reading). Wren — 

Miss H. {reading). Pritchard. {Impressive silence). 

Miss B. {in a frightened whisper). You don't think they 
have murdered young Mr. Pritchard, and stolen his bag, 
and — 

Miss H. No, sister, no. We can deceive ourselves no 
longer as to the true character of young Mr. Pritchard. And 
to this man have we been letting the house for the last ten 
years. 

Miss B. And to this degenerate son of the Pritchards 
have we rashly intrusted the homestead and the heirlooms of 
the Gorhams. 

Miss H. Let us interview Bridget. She must have known 
his propensities. She must have been in collusion with him. 
Come, sister. {Exeunt?) 

Edith. Where can he be ? The other one ! Oh, I'm so 
excited ! 

{Enter Pritchard, eating plum.) 

Pritch. Fine plum, very. {Sees Edith.) Oh — I — I 
— beg your pardon. I fear I intrude. {Aside.) The orig- 
inal ! 

Edith. Not at all ; it is we who intrude. {Aside.) 
How awfully like the photograph he is — older brother, I am 
sure. 

Pritch. Let me clear a chair for you. 

Edith. You see, we missed the train, and so we didn't 
know you had come already, and, beside, we had nowhere 
else to go for the night. 



12 YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 

Pritch. A most fortunate combination of circumstances 
for me. (Aside.) The photograph doesn't, in the least, do 
her justice. 

Edith (aside). Yes, I'm sure he's the elder brother. 
Pleasant old gentleman. (Aloud.) Do you — I suppose you 
find it so lonely here that you bring your — friends and — 
relatives with you sometimes. 

Pritch. Lonely? Oh, no. Lonely? (Shaking decan- 
ter). Do you think it would be possible to be lonely when 
the place abounds, fairly abounds with these superb — 

Edith. My patience ! You didn't find that about 
here ? 

Pritch. (enthusiastically). Yes, indeed, not ten rods 
from the house. 

Edith. Ten rods from the house ? 

Pritch. In Stag Hollow. 

Edith. Stag Hollow ? I shall never go there again. 

Pritch. Oh, you needn't be afraid ; you won't disturb 
them. You've no idea how tame they are. 

Edith. Tame ? 

Pritch. Yes ; most fearless creatures, crawl right over 
your feet. Why, one of them, splendid specimen, crawled 
right into my pocket once. 

Edith. Oh ! 

Pritch. Yes, I was in luck that day. (Aside.) Very in- 
telligent girl! 

Edith (aside). There's something awfully nice about 
him, in spite of that horrid snake. I suppose I like him for 
his brother's sake. (Alo7id.) But still in this large house, 
I suppose some companionship, that of a younger brother, 
for instance — 

Pritch. Yes, if one had a brother. I never had. 

Edith (aside). Never had a brother! (Aloud.) Or of a 
cousin. 

Pritch. Yes. Strange enough, all my cousins, and Pve 
a couple of dozens, are girls. 

Edith. Girls? (Aside.) Then it can't be his cousin. 
It was probably one of them that worked the bag. 

Pritch. But now you mention it, it is lonely, terribly 
lonely. I can imagine companionship that might — but then 
there are always books, poetry — Tennyson, for example. 

Edith (aside). So he likes Tennyson, too. How stupid 
it was of Aunt Hetty to say he was forty-three. I'm con- 
vinced he's only forty-one. I wish he'd take those glasses 
of his off so I could see his eyes better. 

PRITCH. Do you ever read poetry ? 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 1 3 

Edith. Oh, yes, occasionally. 

Pritch. - A — a — Tennyson? {Takes off glasses, and 
begins to riib them, looking full at Edith.) 

Edith (conftised). Yes, occasionally. (Aside.) The 
very eyes of the photograph. 

Pritch. I've got a volume in my pocket now. It's 
pleasant out in the rose-walk, don't you think ? . 

Edith. The rose- walk ? 

Pritch. Suppose we take a turn. (Exeunt?) 
(Enter Miss B. and Miss H.) 

Miss H. And to think Bridget could so have deceived 
us. 

Miss B. All these years. 

Miss H. Well, there's but one thing to be done. In 
that we both agree. He must leave. 

Miss B. This very day. 

Miss H. And will receive the expression of our displeas- 
ure by letter. 

Miss B. (solemnly). By letter. 

Miss H. A letter composed in the terms of courtesy that 
alone a gentlewoman and the descendant of gentlewomen 
would know by instinct how to choose, but yet breathing — 

Miss B. A spirit of firm determination. 

Miss H. We understand each other exactly. And before 
going any farther let me, my dear Betty, say to you, how 
consoling in all our afflictions I find it that however much in 
minor matters we may be perturbed by difference of opinion, 
yet, whenever a crisis like the present comes upon us, we are 
as one. 

Miss B. My dear sister ! (Embrace, then seat them- 
selves at opposite sides of table, and take up pens.) 

Miss B. (writing). Mr. Pritchard — Honored Sir — 

Miss H. (writing). Mr. Pritchard — Esteemed Sir — 

Miss B. (looking up). But, my dear Hetty, what are you 
doing ? 

Miss H. But, my dear Betty, what are you doing? 

Both. Writing to young Mr. Pritchard. 

Miss H. But I thought we both agreed — 

Miss B. That I was the proper person to do it. 

Miss H. I took it for granted — 

Miss B. I never for a moment imagined — 

Miss H. You yourself have always acknowledged that my 
epistolary style — 

Miss B. You cannot forget that my honored father him- 
self intrusted me with the copying of his celebrated treatise 
on — 



14 YOUNG MR. I'KITCHAKD. 

Miss H. But I am the oldest. 

Miss B. I have had the most experience. 

Miss H. You are getting warm. 

Miss B. You are exciting yourself. 

Miss H. Sister, in a crisis like this, let us keep calm. I 
will make a proposition. Let each retire to the privacy of 
her own apartment, and there compose her letter ; and young 
Mr. Pritchard shall be the judge as to which is the more con- 
vincing. (Exeunt different doors.) 

{Enter Edith and Pritchard.) 

Edith. So the photograph was of you, after all. 

Pritch. Yes, taken twelve years ago, before I wore 
either beard or spectacles. I suppose I have changed since 
then. I did not realize it. 

Edith. Changed ? Well, if you cut off your beard, take 
off your spectacles, and brush your hair a little differently. 
But was- it really twelve years ago that you had that photo- 
graph taken ? Why, twelve years ago I was only five years 
old. 

Pritch. And twelve years ago I was just thirty. 

Edith. Which makes you only forty-two now. There, I 
knew Aunt Hetty was wrong! 

Pritch. So you were five when I was thirty. Five into 
thirty — five into thirty — I never was strong on arithmetic 
— but it strikes me that five into thirty goes six times, which 
makes me six times as old as you. 

Edith. Oh, dear ! Well, but — but seventeen doesn't 
go six times into forty-two, does it ? 

Pritch. Six times seventeen. 6X17=? 6X7 = 42. 
6 X io:=6o-{-4 2 = io2. There must be some mistake 
there. I'm not quite one hundred and two. 

Edith. Oh, I'm catching up fast. We'll soon be just the 
same age. But, tell me, did you know, of course you did, 
though, why I tied up my lock of hair with blue ribbon ? 

Pritch. Blue ribbon ? No — I — 

Edith. You really didn't know ? How queer men are ! 
Why, to let you know that my eyes were blue. 

Pritch. Why, of course ! Nothing more clear, now you 
mention it. And so for me, it would have been the correct 
tiling to have tied up the tress of moustache I meant to leave 
for you with green. 

Edith (indignantly). Your eyes are not green ! 

Pritch. Oh, no, neither am I growing bald. 

Edith. Bald? Oh, well, I don't think in a man a little 
baldness matters. In fact, I think to be somewhat bald gives 
a man rather a distinguished air. 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 1 5 

Pritch. Distinguished? Now you speak of it, I don't 
know but that most distinguished men we hear of were bald. 
There was — oh — Julius Caesar — and — a — a — Charles 
the Bald — and — a — a — 

Edith. Yes — and — a — a — 

Pritch. Charles the Bald, and — a — a. Do you happen 
to remember whether Edward the Confessor was bald or 
not? 

Edith. I never heard he was not. 

Pritch. Then we'll give him the benefit of the doubt. 
Edward the Confessor — and — a — a — all the rest of 
them. 

Edith. Well, anyway, in the photograph you look awfully 
romantic. 

Pritch. Oh, yes, the photograph — I'm jealous of the 
photograph. 

Edith. But wasn't it queer I took you for your own 
elder brother? Ain't you glad you're not ? 

Pritch. If I were, I'd — 

Edith. And you don't think my photograph flatters me ? 

Pritch. Flatters you ? ( Takes her kand.) 
{Enter Miss B. attd Miss H.) 

Miss B. I never wrote so fast before. 

Miss H. I just dashed it off. {Perceiving couple.) 

Miss B. Young man! 

Miss H. Edith ! 

Miss B. Edith, you will please present this letter to 
young Mr. Pritchard. 

Miss H. Edith, you will please present this letter to 
young Mr. Pritchard. 

Pritch. {holding letters). Ladies — I — does it matter 
which I read first ? 

Miss H. {bridling). My epistolary style — 

Miss B. My penmanship — 

Pritch. {opens both). From hastily glancing over these 
letters am I wrong in inferring that I have in some way un- 
consciously incurred your displeasure ? 

Both. Unconsciously ? 

Pritch. From the contents of these letters, I gather you 
think me unfit to take charge of the homestead and the heir- 
looms of the Gorhams. {I?npressive silence.) My dear 
ladies, I see but one way out of it. Give me your permission 
to marry your niece. 

Both. Marry our niece ? 

Pritch. Who will not only take care of me, but of the 
homestead and the heirloooms of the Gorhams. {Retires 
back with Edith.) 



1 6 YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 

Miss H. {to sister). Such a request, after putting a bright 
green serpent into our cut-glass decanter! 

Miss B. Yes, a serpent in the cut-glass decanter ; but 
then — we went to school with his mother. 

Miss H. But the cigar-ashes in great-grandmother Gor- 
ham's teacup! 

Miss B. Yes, the cigar-ashes in great-grandmother Gor- 
ham's teacup — but then his great-grandfather Wren mar- 
ried our great-aunt Bowdoin. 

Miss H. To be sure what he said about Edith taking 
charge of the house had some sense in it. 

Miss B. The Pritchards always had a good deal of sense. 

Miss H. It would interfere with our pecuniary arrange- 
ments, if we gave up renting the house. 

Miss B. I dare say he never observed the decanter was 
cut-glass. The Pritchards never were much in the way of 
glass and plate, you know. 

Miss H. And I suppose he never had seen anything that 
took his fancy like great-grandmother Gorham's teacups — 

Miss B. He's considered a very promising young man ! 

Miss H. He looks steady ! 

Miss B. I should be sorry to stand in the way of Edith's 
prospects. 

Miss H. It was always difficult to impress Edith with the 
advantages of a single life. 

Miss B. Shall we — 

Miss H. Well — 

Miss B [ Henry Pritchard, take her! 

(Embracing, etc.) 
Edith. Oh ! and Aunt Betty, you were quite wrong about 
his being forty-three ! 

Miss H. There, Betty, what did I — 

Edith. • But you were wrong, too, Aunt Hetty — 

Miss B. There, Hetty, didn't I — 

Edith. He's forty-two ! 

Miss H \ ®^> well ! — forty-two; I was only a year out of 
the way. 

Pritch. Miss Hetty was right last year, and Miss Betty 
will be right next year! 

Miss H. {complacently). And now that it has all turned 
out so well, wasn't it a strange coincidence that, when we 
were discussing the question of renting the house, I should 
have said, " Let's apply to young Mr. Pritchard"? 

Miss B. But, my dear Hetty, it was I who first thought 
of Mr. Pritchard. 



YOUNG MR. PRITCHARD. 1 7 

Miss H. Oh, no ! My dear, I remember it as if it were 
yesterday. We were preserving plums — and I was in the 
kitchen — don't you recall — 

Miss B. Certainly, I recall. You were in the kitchen 
with Bridget, and /came in and said — 

Miss H. Said, " Whomever shall we apply to ? " and then 
/ said — 

Miss B. No, /said — 

Miss H. My dear sister, I remember distinctly — 

Curtain. 



THE BEADING CLUB AND HANDY SPEAKER. Being Selec- 
tions in Prose and Poetry, Serious, Humorous, Pathetic, Patriotic, and 
Dramatic, for Readings and Recitations. Edited by George M. Baker, 
Paper cover, fifteen cents each part. 

Contents of Reading-Club No. 1. 



At the Soldiers' Graves. 

Battle-Hymn. 

" Boofer Lady," The. 

Bricklayers, The. 

Bumpkin's Courtship, The. 

Charles Sumner. 

" Curfew must not ring To-night." 

Closet Scene, The. (" Hamlet.") 

Defiance of Harold the Dauntless. 

Der Drummer. 

Deutsch Maud Muller, The. 

Doorstep, The. 

Factory-girl's Diary, The. 

Farmer Bent's Sheep-washing. 

Godiva. 

" Good and Better." 

Happiest Couple, The. (From the 

" School for Scandal.") 
Happy Life, The. 
Hans Breitmann's Party. 
Hour of Prayer, The. 
How Terry saved his Bacon. 
How He saved St. Michael's. 
In the Tunnel. 
Jakie on "Watermelon-pickle. 
Jester's Sermon, The. 
" Jones." 



Mahmoud. 

Mistletoe-Bough, The. 

Mr. Caudle and his Second Wife. 

Mr. O'Gallagher's Three Roads to 

Learning. 
Nobody There. 
Old Age. 

Old Farmer Gray gets Photographed. 
Old Methodist's Testimony, The. 
Overthrow of Belshazzar. 
Puzzled Census-Taker, The. 
Popping the Question. 
Red Jacket, The. 
Rob Roy MacGregor. 
Samson. 

Senator's Pledge, The. 
Showman's Courtship, The. 
Squire's Story, The. 
Story of the Bad Little Boy wh« 

didn't come to Grief, The. 
Story of the Faithful Soul, The. 
Stranger in the pew, A. 
Tauler. 

Voices at the Throne, The. 
Whistler, The. 
Yankee and the Dutchman's Dog, 

The. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 2. 



Address of Spottycus. 

Baby Atlas. 

Baby's Soliloquy, A. 

Beauty of Youth, The. 

Biddy's Troubles. 

Bobolink, The. 

Broken Pitcher, The. 

By the Alma River. 

Calling a Boy in the Morning. 

Cooking and Courting. 

Curing a Cold. 

Double Sacrifice, The. 

Farm-yard Song. 

Fortune-Himter, The. 

Goin' Home To-day. 

Harry and I. 

In the Bottom Drawer. 

Last Ride, The. 

Learned Negro, The. 

Little Puzzler, The. 

Man with a Cold in his Head, The. 

Merchant of Venice, Trial Scene. 

Modest Cousin, The. 

Militia General, A. 

"Nearer, my God, to Thee." 



Old Ways and the New, The. 

Opening of the Piano, The. 

Our Visitor, and What He came for. 

Over the River. 

Paddock Elms, The. 

Pickwickians on Ice, The. 

Picture, A. 

Press On. 

Possession. 

Quaker Meeting, The. 

Queen Mab. 

Rescue, The. 

Shadow on the Wall, The. 

Short Sermon, A. 

Sisters, The. 

Sunday Morning. 

There is no Death. 

Tobe's Monument. 

Toothache. 

Tragical Tale of the Tropics, A. 

Traveller's Evening Soug, A. 

Two Anchors, The. 

Two Irish Idyls. 

What's the Matter with that None? 

Workers and Thinkers. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 3. 



Appeal in Behalf of American Lib- 
erty. 

Ambition. 

Auction Mad. 

Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man. 

Ballad of the Oysterman, The. 

Bob Oratchit's Christmas-Dinner. 

Bone and Siuew and Brain. 

Bunker Hill. 

Burial of the Dane, The. 

Church of the Best Licks, The. 

Countess and the Serf, The. 

Deck-Haud and the Mule, The. 

Evils of Ignorance, The. 

First Snow-fall, The. 

Flower-mission, Junior, The. 

For Love. 

Fra Giaeomo. 

How Persimmons took Cah ob der 
Baby. 

Jonesville Singin' Quire, The. 

Last Tilt, The. 

Lay of Real Life, A. 

Law of Kindness, The. 

Losses. 

Mad Luce. 

Minute-men of '75, The. 



Mosquitoes. 

Mr. Stiver's Horse. 

Ode. 

Old Fogy Man, The. 

Pat and the Oysters. 

Recantation of Galileo, The. 

Roast Pig. A Bit of Lamb. 

Roman Soldier, The. 

Riding down. 

Schneider's Tomatoes. 

School of Reform, Scenes from that 

Similia Similibus. 

Singer, The. 

Solemn Book-Agent, The. 

Sons of New England, The. 

Speech of the Hon. Perverse Peabody 

on the Acquisition of Cuba. 
Temperance. 
Twilight. 

Two Loves and a Life. 
Two Births. 

Uncle Reuben's Baptism, 
Victories of Peace, The. 
Wedding-Fee, The. 
Wolves, The. 
What the Old Man said. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 4. 



Battle Flag of Sigurd, The. 
" Business " in Mississippi. 
Bell of Atri, The. 
Cane-bottomed Chair, The. 
Cobbler's Secret, The. 
Cuddle Doon. 
Custer's Last Charge. 
Daddy Worthless. 
Decoration. 

Dignity of Labor, The. 
Elder Sniffle's Courtship. 
Goin' Somewhere. 
Grandfather. 

He Giveth His Beloved Sleep. 
■Hot Roasted Chestnut, The. 
House-top Saint, The. 
"Hunchback," Scene from the. 
Indian's Claim, The. 
Joan of Arc. 
Leedle Yawcob Strauss. 
Little Black-eyed Rebel, The. 
Little Hero, The. 
Little Shoe, A. 
Lost Cats, The. 
fcary Maloney's Philosophy. 



Minot's Ledge. 

Mother's Fool. 

Mr. O'Hoolahan's Mistake. 

Mr. Watkins celebrates. 

My Neighbor's Baby. 

Palmetto and the Pine, The. 

Pip's Fight. 

Post-Boy, The. 

Pride of Battery B, The. 

" Palace o' the King, The." 

Paper don't Say, The. 

Penny ye meant to gi'e, Th*. 

Question, A. 

Robert of Lincoln. 

Song of the Dying, The. 

St. John the Aged. 

Tramp, The. 

Tom. 

Two Portraits. 

Village Sewing Society, The. 

Way Astors are Made, The. - 

What is a Minority ? 

Widder Green's Last Wordt» 

William Tell. 

Zenobia'g Defense. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 5. 



A Blessing on the Dance. 

A Charge with Prince Rupert. 

A Mysterious Disappearance. 

Art-Matters in Indiana. 

A Rhine Legend. 

A Watch that " Wanted Cleaning." 

An Exciting Contest. 

An Indignation-Meeting. 

An Irish Wake. 

Ballad of a Baker. 

Ballad of Constance. 

Ballad of Ronald Clare. 

Between the Lines. 

Burdock's Goat. 

Butterwick's Weakness. 

Dot Baby off Mine. 

Edith helps Things along. 

Failed. 

Faithful Little Peter. 

Five. 

From the Sublime to the Ridiculous. 

Good-By. 

" If We Knew." 

Last Redoubt. 

Mollie, or Sadie? 



Noble Revenge. 

Not Dead, but Risen. 

" One of the Boys." 

Scene from "London Assurance." 

Scene from " The Marble Heart." 

Sideways. 

Somebody's Mother. 

Something Spilt. 

Tact and Talent. 

The Amateur Spelling-Match. 

The Blue and Gray. 

The Bridge. 

The Canteen. 

The Dead Doll. 

The Flood and the Ark. 

The Honest Deacon. 

The Kaiser's Feast. 

The Little Shoes did it. 

The Scotchman at the Play. 

The Seven Ages. 

The Two Glasses. 

Tired Mothers. 

Uncle Rcmus's Revival Hymn. 

Whistling in Heaven. 

Why Biddy and Pat got Married. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 6. 



A Disturbance in Church. 

A Disturbed Parent. 

A Christmas Carol. 

A Miracle. 

" A Sweeter Revenge." 

An Irish Love-Letter. 

Behind Time. 

Blind Ned. 

Cavalry Charge, The. 

Clerical Wit. 

" Conquered at Last." 

Count Eberhard's Last Foray. 

Deaf and Dumb. 

Der Shoemaker's Poy. 

Down with the Heathen Chinee ! 

Fight at Lookout. 

Fireman's Prayer. 

Greeley's Ride. 

Great Future. 

Immortality. 

Joe's Bespeak. 

John Chinaman's Protest. 

Jim Lane's Last Message. 

Mr. Coville proves Mathematics. 

Nationality. 



One Touch of Nature. 

Paddy O'Rafther. 

Putty and Varnish. 

Reserved Power. 

Ship-Boy's Letter. 

Sweet Singer of Michigan. 

Tacking Ship off Shore. 

Tammy's Prize. 

Talk about Shooting. 

Ten Years after. 

The Benediction. 

The Changed Cross. 

The Fan Drill. 

The Farmer's Story. 

The Fountain of Youth. 

The King's Kiss. 

The Palmer's Vision. 

The Sergeant of the Fiftieth. 

The Well-Digger. 

" Them Yankee Blankits." 

They Met. 

Virginius to the Roman Army. 

Warning to Woman. 

Weaving the Web. 

Widow Stebbins oa Homoeopathy. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 7. 



A College Widow. 

A Free Beat. 

A Humorous Dare-Devil. 

All's Well that cuds Well. 

A London Bee Story. 

A Modern Heroine. 

A Modern Sermon. 

A Reminiscence. 

A Royal Princess. 

Ave Maria. 

Civil War. 

Creeds of the Bells. 

" Dashing Rod," Trooper. 

Down Hill with the Brakes off. 

Drawing Water. 

Family Portraits. 

Fool's Prayer. 

Greatest Walk on Record. 

Hannibal at the Altar. 

" He giveth His Beloved Sleep." 

Hohenlinden. 

How Neighbor Wilkins got Religion. 

How Randa went over the River. 

Irish Boy and Priest. 

Jimmy Butler and the Owl. 

Jim Wolfe and the Cats. 



Last Hymn. 

Left Alone at Eighty. 

Maud's Misery. 

National Game. 

New Dixie. 

On the Channel-Boat. 

Orient Yourself. 

Paddle Your Own CanM. 

Patriot Spy. 

Pledge to the Dead. 

Pomological Society. 

Rhymes at Random. 

San Benito. 

St. Leon's Toast. 

That Calf. 

The Carpenter's Wooing, and th 

Sequel. 
The Dead Student. 
The Ladies. 
The Pin. 
The Retort. 
The Singers' Alms. 
This Side and That. 
Two Fishers. 
Uncle Mellick dines with his Master. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 8. 



A Brick. 

A Colored Debating Society. 

Along the Line. 

A New Version of the Parable of the 

Virgins. 
An Evangel. 
Annie's Ticket. 
Apples — A Comedy. 
A Sermon for the Sisters. 
A Thirsty Boy. 
Aunt Phillis's Guest. 
Ballad of the Bell-Tower. 
" Christianos ad Leones! " 
City Man and Setting Hen. 
Daisy's Faith. 
De 'Sperience ob Reb'rend Quacko 

Strong. 
Defence of Lucknow. 
Dutch Security. 
Fast Mail. 
Father William. 
From One Standpoint. 
Girl of the Crisis. 
Grave of the Greyhound. 
Indian Warrior's Defence. 
Labor is Worship. 



Lanty Leary. 

Last of the Sarpints. 

Legend of the White nand. 

London Zoological Gardens. 

Masked Batteries. 

Miss Edith's Modest Request. 

Mrs. Brown at the Play. 

Old Grimes. 

People will laugh. 

Peril of the Mines. 

Parody on " Father William." 

Patter of the Shingle. 

Paul Clifford's Defence. 

Shiftless Neighbor Ball. 

Song of the Mystic. 

The Baron's Last Banquet. 

The Captive. 

The Dilemma. 

The Divorce Feast. 

The Farmer and the Barrister 

The Man with a Bear. 

The Story of the Tilen. 

The Outlaw's Yarn. 

The Rich Man and the Pool Mao. 

Two Dreams. 

Yankee Courtship. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 9. 



Antoinette. 

Antony to Cleopatra. 

Awfully Lovely Philosophy. 

Calif, The. 

Cheek. 

Claribel's Prayer. 

Cleopatra Dying. 

Dagger Scene from "The Wife," 

The. 
Dandy Fifth, The. 
Don Squixet's Ghost. 
Gingerbread. 
Hannah. 
" He and She." 
Hero Woman, The. 
Holly Branch, The. 
Jan Steener's Ride. 
Johnny on Snakes. 
King's Bell, The. 
Legend of Saint Barbara, The. 
Legend of the Organ-Builder. 
Life iu Death. 
Little Girl's Song, The. 
Lookout Mountain. 
Loves of Lucinda. 
Man Wich didn't drink Wotter, The. 



Make the Best of Every Thing. 

Marked Grave, The. 

Marriage of Santa Claus, The. 

Mice at Play. 

No Color Line in Heaven. 

Night Watch. 

Old Man's Dreams, An. 

One-legged Goose, The. 

Owl Critic, The. 

" Papa says so too." 

Poetry of Iron, The. 

Right must win, The. 

Reviving de Sinners. 

Selling the Farm. 

Setting a Hen. 

She would be a Mason. 

Similar Case, A. 

Sleep, The. 

Song of the North, The. 

Spinning-wheel, The. 

Time. 

Tomato, The. 

Tramp of Shiloh, The. 

Very Naughty Little Girl's Views. 

Widow of Nain, The. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 10. 



Autumn Leaves. 

Autumn Thoughts. 

Baffled Book-Agent, The. 

Banker and the Cobbler, The. 

Brudder Johnson on 'Lectricity. 

Building and Being. 

Carcassonne. 

Chain of Gold, The. 

Charge of the Heavy Brigade. 

Christmas Elegy, A. 

Clown's Baby, The. 

Confession, The. 

Conversion of Col. Quagg. 

Court Lady, A. 

Cruise of the "Monitor," The. 

Death of the Old Wife. 

Death of Steerforth. 

Garfield. 

Hark! 

How the Colonel took It. 

Intensely Utter. 

Jackdaw of Kheims, The. 

Mate of the " Betsy Jane," The. 

Nebuchadnezzah. 

No Time like the Old Time. 



No Yearning for the Beautiful. 

" Ole Marster's " Christmas. 

Our Baby. 

Parting Lovers, The. 

Penitent, A. 

Purpose, A. 

Round of Life, The. 

Ramon. 

Rather Embarrassing. 

Ravenswood's Oath. 

Robert Emmett's Last Speech. 

Saving Mother. 

Scene from " Mary Stuart." 

Serenade, The. 

Sharpshooter's Miss, The. 

Sooner or Later. 

Story of a Stowaway, The. 

Squire Houston's Marriage Ceremony 

The Way Rube Hoffenstein sells. 

This means You, Girls. 

Tickled All Oafer. 

Union of Blue and Gray. 

Widow to Her Son, The. 

Wild Weather Outside. 

Young Grimes. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 11. 



Abraham Lincoln and the Poor 
Woman. 

Big Ben Bolton. 

Bivouac of the Dead, The. 

Captain's Tale, The. 

Cataract of Lodore, The. 

Charge at Valley Maloy, The. 

Child's Evening Prayer, The. 

Clear Bargain, A. 

Closing Scene, The. 

Convent Robbing. 

Countersign was " Mary," The. 

Crutch in the Corner. 

Drifted Out to Sea. 

" Fall In." 

For Life and Death. 

Glimpse of Death, A. 

Going towards Sundown. 

Garibaldi and His Companions. 

Kelly's Ferry. 

Last upon the Roll. 

Leedle Yawcob Strauss : What He 
says. 

Magnificent Poverty. 

Mr. Murphy explains His Son's Con- 
duct. 

Mysterious Rappings. 



Nearer Home. 

No Precedent. 

< >kl Man goes to Town, The. 

O'thello. 

" Mebbe," Joe's True Feesh Story. 

Paddy's Metamorphosis. 

Pat's Bondsman. 

Pericles to the People. 

" Picciola." 

Red O'Neil, The. 

Reflections on the Needle. 

Roland Gray. 

Second Review of the Grand Army 

Silver Cup, The. 

Snow-storm, The. 

Speculation. 

Suckers on de Corn. 

" Treadwater Jim." 

Unforgotten Foe, The. 

Variegated Dogs. 

Virginny. 

Washee, Washee. 

What saved the Union. 

Wonderful Tar Baby Stcry, The, 

Wreck of the White Ship. 

Yawcob Strauss. 



Contents of Reading-Club No. 12. 



^Esthetic Housekeeper, The. 

Asking the Gov'nor. 

Asleep at the Switch. 

Awkward. 

Bad Mix, A. 

Boys Who Never got Home, The. 

Concurrent Testimony. 

Cruise of the " Nancy Jane," The. 

Discontented Pendulum, The. 

Doctor's Wedding, The. 

Enoch of Calaveras, The. 

Fire! Fire! 

Fire- Worshippers, The. 

Funny Small Boy, The. 

Good-by, Proud World. 

How Dennis took the Pledge. 

How He Made It. 

How Tim's Prayer was answered. 

House that Jack built, The. 

Ideal of Woman, An. 

I have drank my Last Glass, Boys. 

Jack at All Trades, A. 

Judge Pitman's Watch. 

Katie's Answer. 

little Presbyterian Maid, The. 

y ttie Rocket's CbxvtacM 



Lucille's Mistake. 

Making Love in the Choir. 

Memory. 

Money Musk. 

Mike McGaffaty's Dog. 

Nancy Sykes. 

New Church Doctrine, The. 

Night after Christmas, The. 

"Norval." 

Old Knight's Treasure, The. 

Only a Crippled Soldier. 

Pat and the Pig. 

Pegging Away. 

Penn's Monument. 

Policeman's Story, The. 

Postilion of Nagold, The. 

Public Grindstone, The. 

Scene from " Leah the Forsaken.' 

Soldiers' Monument, The. 

Signing the Pledge. 

Sun-Burst. 

The Three Little Chairs. 

Two Ways of Telling a Story. 

Veterans, The. 

War w'tb Alcohol. The. 



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Ten male and three female characters. 

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"West Stvanzey, July 27, 1881. 
Lex. E. Tilden : — Dear Sir, — Have read your play entitled "The 
Stolen Wtll." Was very much pleased with it. Think the character 
of Chip Winkle, Ksq., is immense. Should like to play it myself when I 
get through with Joshua. Hope the plav will be a success wherever pro- 
duced. It deserves to be. Yours truly, DEKMAN THOMPSON. 



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A Comic Urama in 1 Act. By W. H Emer s on. 2 
male, 2 female char. 

THE QUEEN'S HEART. A Comedy in 3 

Acts. 5 male, 4 female char. 

A RACE FOR A WIDOW- A Farce in 1 

Act. Bv T. J. Williams. 5 male, 4 female char. 

SARAH'S YOUNG MAN. A Farce in 1 

Aet. Bv W. E. Suter. 3 male, 3 female char. 

THE SCARLET LETTER. A Drama in 3 

Acts. 8 male. 7 female char. 

SILVERSTONE'S WAGER. A Comedi- 
etta in 1 Act. Bv K. R.Andrews. 4 male, 3 female. 

A SLICE OF LUCK. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By J. M. Morton. 4 male, 2 female ehar. 

SMASHINGTON GOIT. A Farce in 1 Act. 

By T. J. Williams. 5 male, 3 female char. 

A SOLDIER, A SAILOR, A TINKER, 

and a Tailor. A Farce in 1 Aet. 4 male 2 female. 

SUNSHINE THROUGH THE CLOUDS. 

A Drama in 1 Act. By tiliugsby Lawrence. 3niale, 



3fer 



ale char 



TRUE UNTO DEATH. A Drama in 2 Acts. 

Bv J. Sheridan Knowles. 6 mule. 2 female char. 

THE TURKISH BATH. A Farcein 1 Aet. 

By Montague W illiumsaudF. C. Burnand. 6male, 

TWo'gENTLEMEN IN A FIX. A Farce 

in 1 Act. By W. E. Suter. 2 male char. 

TWO HEADS BETTER THAN ONE. A 

Farce in 1 Act. Bv Lenox Horne. 4 mule. 1 female. 

THE TWO PUDDIFOOTS. A Farce in 1 

Act. By J. M. Morion. 3 male, 8 female ehar. 
AN UGLY CUSTOMER. A Farce in 1 Act. 

Bv Thomas J. Williams. 3 mule. 2 female char. 

UNCLE ROBERT. A Comedy in 3 Acts. 



Bv ii. r. i 



! female rhii 



A VERY PLEASANT EVENING. A Farce 

in 1 Aet. Bv W. E. Suter. 3 male char. 

THE WELSH GIRL. A Comedy in 1 Act. 

Bv Mrs. rianrhe. 3 male, 2 fimale char. 

WHICH WILL HAVE HIM ? A Vaude- 

ville. 1 mule. 2 female ehar. 

THE WIFE'S SECRET. A Flavin 5 Acts. 

Bv Ceo. W. Novell. HI male. 2 female char. 

YOUR LIFE'S IN DANGER. A Farce in 

1 Act. By J. M. Morton. 3 male, 3 female char. 



WALTER H. BAKER & 00., Publishers, Boston, Mass. 

P. O. Box 2846. 



